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Three Things Newborns Want You To Know About Your Baby Gift (Because You’re Never Too Young to Have an Opinion)

newborn.jpgYeah, that’s me–doing what I do best right now, getting ready for a peaceful snooze. But before I drift off into one of my 73 daily naps, I thought I’d give you some baby gift advice straight from the newborn’s mouth (and I’m giving you a great view, thank you very much.)

From what I’ve been able to pick up on since I’ve been here, the barrage of baby gifts started to pour in even before I arrived, thanks to a baby shower for my Mom. She pops in here from time to time, getting rid of the terrible smell that creeps up on me every so often, favoring me with a much-needed drink of something yummy and picking up things in the room with a comment about how cute it is. Oh, yes. I’m definitely one of those things. But it’s those baby gifts she oohs and aah over that I want to talk to you about. I know what you like about baby gifts, and I know what my mom and dad like about baby gifts. But what you need to know is what I like, right? Here goes–

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For the first couple of months, I’m really not in the mood to do anything. Remember, I just moved, so I need the time to get used to my new surroundings and the people who appear to be in charge. I’m not focused on anything special, but I hear great. I don’t mind the silly faces they make, but I really like it when they sing and say nursery rhymes, so if you want to get something fun for me that doesn’t suck, get my parents nurery rhyme toys and stuff that helps them sing to me. They’ve got nothing else to do, so they can learn a rhyme or two. It helps me sleep, and I can never get enough of that.

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In just a few months, I’ll get turned on by fluffy-soft, fun stuff in different colors, shapes and sizes. Just put those fishies over there in front of me and watch me grab for everything with both hands! And, of course, I’ll put it in my mouth. It seems to be the logical place to put stuff, and I want to see if anything tastes as good as what Mommy gives me every few hours. So far, I got nothin’. Please don’t get me educational toys yet. Save those for my first birthday, and don’t go overboard…

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You knew we were going to have to talk about clothes sooner or later. If you’d look silly in it, chances are I’ll look silly in it, too, but everyone will think I’m just as cute as I can be. I’m talking about those hooded towels or jackets with frog eyes or bunny ears. Clearly, I’m at a disadvantage. I can’t tell you I feel ridiculous in this, and I’m too small to stop anyone from dressing me however they want. So here’s the deal–knock yourself out with those cutesy clothes you wouldn’t be caught dressed in unless it’s Halloween. teenage-driver.jpg I’ll wear ’em, and you can even take photos. But on my 16th birthday, I’d better get some seriously cool gifts, like a car, and the latest iPhone, and a laptop, and a 60″ HDTV for my bedroom and a gift card so I can buy myself a ton of totally hot clothes! That seems fair to me. If you disagree, then just get me a onesie that says, “Hundreds of cool baby gifts at Corner Stork, and all I got was this onesie!”

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