Choose Baby’s Sex? It’s Not That Complex!

old-wives.jpgMeet Agatha (right) and Edith (left.) Edith is half of a young couple that’s ready to start a family. Agatha is her neighbor, and a dedicated member of the Old Wives’ Club. Agatha wants to give Edith the most precious baby gift imaginable, so old Aggie is showing Edie the page in the Old Wives’ Gazette that lists all the ways to affect the gender of her baby. I must tell you, they’re really a hoot! If you want to make sure you have a boy, here’s what those savvy old wives suggest you do:

sweetbabyboyblanket.jpg Allow your husband to seduce you into sex first…be a worrywart…Dad, drink lots of sodas…eat lots of red meat and salty snacks…have intercourse at night…have intercourse on odd days of the month…do “it” standing up…have sex when there’s a quarter moon…do “it” with you on your belly and your husband on your back…sleep to the left of your husband…make sure your husband climaxes first…point your head north while having sex…stay on your back after sex to give the “boy” sperm a chance to get to the egg…warm up his testicles (though they don’t say how.)

pattycakegirl.jpg If you and your husband have three boys and are dying for a little girl…both of you should eat fish and vegetables…eat chocolate…have sex during a full moon…do “it” in the afternoon…have sex with the man on top…seduce your husband…stay calm and cool to conceive a girl…you climax first and think pink.

Apparently, it’s that simple. I’d be interested to know if anyone out there has tried any of these methods and if they worked for you. C’mon! How much chocolate did you eat?